Category: 見證分享 | Witness Sharing

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信主後，自己有很大的转变。

学会谦卑和感恩，以前只知道只要努力就会争取好成绩。

其实万事都掌握於主手里。

靠主得力，才是唯一出路。

万事皆神所创造包括自己，要事事感恩和赞美神。

所以我们要做神所喜悦的事 身心全意为主作工。

神爱世人，我们亦要效法他爱人如己。

我叫张涛，来自中国河南省郑州市， 出生于1967年。2004年移民来到加拿大，现在多伦多生活。

我从小所受的教育就是无神论，在学校学习的是唯物主义，物质决定意识。而在我的生活经历中，思考人生意义，思索自然奥秘，有许多迷惑不解; 有时生活茫然和焦虑，不知道未来的方向。

2017年前的一段时间，我的生活和工作处于相对低谷的时期。我们在朋友王远的引导下，来到万民福音堂，参加教会的活动。逐渐的我更多了解了基督教，接近了神。找到到了自己以前许多不解的答案。

“是神创造了万物，神爱我们，派遣他的爱子耶稣，降临人间，以他的宝血來洗刷我们的罪”

我们初次来到教会，受到Connie 以及大家热情的接待，使我感受到教会兄弟姊妹的关心和热诚。在教会听牧师传道，帮助我更多的认识神, 越来越多领会圣经里的内容。通过我们恩典小组的学习，认识了更多教会新朋友，大家互相交流，成长；感受到教会的弟兄姊妹那样的友善、和睦、有爱心。当我决志信主，祝飙为我祷告的时候，我突然萌发内心的感动。我愿意接受主耶稣作为我的救主和生命的主。

传道书12：13-14节讲：只有“敬畏神和谨守他的诫命”，人生才有真正的满足。

现在每当我参加教会的礼拜和主日学，聆听赞美诗歌，领悟圣经的教诲；体会到接近主，和神同在，内心会感到那种平安和喜乐。在华语堂礼拜活动中，我也帮助设置音响设备，尽自己微薄的力量，帮助教会发展，弘扬基督精神。

虽然我对上帝和圣经的领悟还很有限。但我愿意成为基督徒，接受洗礼。我今后要遵循主的教诲，塑造主生命，以自己的行为影响家人和周围的人。

感谢主赠与的一切！感谢主给我幸福的家庭！感谢主带给的平安！一切荣耀归于万能的主！

我在十二年前独自从广州来到加拿大读书，来加前，没有真正的听过福音，只是透过电视知道有基督教这个信仰。在我很小的时候，我心里已经对生命产生一些疑问，例如对人死了会怎样，会去哪里等等， 但这些疑问也只是存放在心里，随着人慢慢长大，也没有很多时间去思想这些事情，生活也是这样平平淡淡的过。

来到加拿大后，因为表哥一家是基督徒的缘故，有时周末从学校小镇出来，会跟他们参加礼拜日崇拜，刚开始也听不懂牧师所说的，有时更觉得有点无聊。

我这个人本来说话不多，特别在陌生人面前，我是一个不想吸引别人注意的人，因为父母在我小时候就离婚，十二年的独立的生活，让我很多事情都收起来，不愿意跟别人分享，後来我发现自己的性格从小到大都是要强，很不愿意让别人看到我的不好，很在意别人的眼光， 生活各方面都是这样，包括读书，工作。例如每逢学校考试，我都是那种拼尽全力去准备。面对很多事情都太过执着，很多时候按照自己的想法去做，其实这样的我生活的很累。

2011年我被一位透过工作认识的姊妹带我去教会，很快在同一年我决志，但之後没有固定地去教会聚会，即使是去聚会，也只是去崇拜，基本没有团契生活。虽然心里知道和相信有这位上帝，但一直都没有积极的去寻求祂，认识祂，我知道那段时间即使有上教会，但跟神的关系很疏远。

前十年在加拿大，我都是一直都在忙，读书，工作，移民，考牌，生活各样的琐碎事，其实都是自己一直在掌控，谋划自己的未来，真的没有把神放在重要的位置。当我在两年前好不容易把两个会及时牌照拿到手的时候，以为自己的事业可以发展得更好的时候，神就在这个时候告诉我，一切都是祂掌管的，不是我能够控制和计划的。那年我眼睛视网膜脱落，身体出现警号，就像神在告诉我，“”你要停下来”。但神真的很爱我，虽然祂在这事上要彰显祂的能力，给我个警号，但祂又在这事情上让我感受到“我虽然行过死荫幽谷，也不怕遭害，因为你与我同在”。这事发生前几天，妈妈刚来到加拿大探望我，计划逗留几个月，神的爱真的很奇妙，在我身体最软弱，手术后需要卧床的时候，神祂就把我一个最亲的家人安排在我身边照顾我，更奇妙的是，在那时我正在申请一份工作，工作内容是要每天去客户那里工作，客户遍布整个GTA, 事情发生前一个礼拜，我进行了第一次面试，正当我在担心我没办法这样到处去工作的时候，在我手术后的一个月，我进行了第二次面试，在我眼睛还不能看清，状态最差的时候，公司不知道我身体状况的情况下，竟然通过我的面试，後来还说现有一个新的职位是in-house的，不需要到客户那里，公司跟家的距离也不是太远，问我是否想做。那时候我深知道，这是神为我安排的，祂知道我的需要，而且他的供应是超过我所求所想，他为我安排的是刚刚好的，最後在我手术后的两个月就上班了。我心中真的充满 感恩和感谢，因为这一切都是神的作为。

当然，神的恩典在我身上又何止这些呢，在这里也不能一一细数。後来因为这份工作没有那麽繁忙，又在表哥介绍下，来到离家比较近的万民福音堂聚会，这一年我参加崇拜，主日学和小组，还有其他教会的bible study group和一些学习祷告的课程， 让我与神的关系拉近。现在我学习着放下自己的执着，打开自己的心让神来掌管，我知道主权不在我的手中，我愿意像泥土 一样，让主来陶造我。我知道做了基督徒以後，人生不会天色常蓝，但我知道I do my best, God will do the rest。

感恩一路有主一起同行，将荣饶颂赞归给我们天上的父，阿门。

All my life, I only counted on myself. No matter how big the problem, I would try to face it head on and come up with my own solutions. However, this all begin to change four years ago, when I made a life changing decision. It was a decision that changed a lot for my family, myself, and my financial situation. I decided to purchase and run a franchise business. It was an extremely difficult path in the beginning, and as a family, we faced a lot of stress. From the lack of experience I had in the field, a break-in at our store, and staff that weren’t the most cooperative, I was discouraged and unhappy with myself. I would have trouble falling asleep and always wake up in the middle of the night. I was losing my appetite and had thoughts about whether or not this was the right path I had chosen.

In the midst of all this, I was extremely fortunate to have my family behind me and more importantly, brothers and sisters in our church that would support me. I slowly learned to turn to God whenever I had problems, and I learned how to pray and be grateful for all I had. With God’s help, every problem I had didn’t seem so large anymore, and sometimes they just became valuable learning experiences.

In the past, I would question God’s presence in my life and often look to science and logic to reason with his ways. However, as I began to pray and strengthen my relationship with Him, I felt his presence more and more in my life. Through this gut feeling, I knew that God was working in my life, and from then on, I understood that I could never question His presence through logic or science. Now that God is in my life, I find that I am more peaceful and happy. I fear less about the problems ahead of me and know I do not have to lose hope. God will always be there as his love is true and everlasting, and in his hands; I feel that everything will be okay.

在基督教圣公会学校读了六年的小学，自幼已经认识神， 成长的我从未否定过神存在这回事，只是到了年青的阶段， 开始不太清楚自己所信的是什麽，也不确定自己是否真的相信神。 别人问我何时信主我都不知如何回答。随着多年在社会打滚， 烦恼时刻纷扰，渐渐地与神“隔绝”。从前我是一个对事情很执着， 凡事对自己和对身边的人都要求很高，做事追求完美。 就是因为这个性格的关系，一但事情不如预期， 我就会不开心或生气。但很奇妙的是我始终没有离开这个信仰， 遇到不如意或担心的事，我会祷告。在该段日子里， 深深体会神带给我的平安。

在2014年因为我的儿子入读了一间基督教幼儿园Grace Christian School。就是这原因我再次接触到很多基督徒， 每月也有两次查经班。感受到神为我们准备的，永远是最好、 最适合我们的。就在三年前，我的朋友邀请我出席一个音乐剧” 未完的故事”。真的很奇妙，当晚我一边看一边流泪。就在当晚， 圣灵感动下就决定决志了。之後返教会，参加团契， 认识很多弟兄姊妹。慢慢我的执着，看事情的看法也渐渐地改变了。

如果没有从小认识主，可能我感受不到身边满有爱和祝福。 在主爱的教导下，我懂得用感恩的心面对成功， 也懂得用平静的心接受失败。回顾看，原来自己并没有放弃神， 每当陷入困境时又会重新祷告寻找神。

自己遇到了问题主动求问神。从那时起，我学懂了凡事向神祷告， 慢慢重建与神的关系。我感受到神的带领使我安然无惧， 执着的个性也就慢慢减缓了。

但今天决定洗礼是因为我知道神必定会继续坚定我的信心， 不离不弃的引导我前行，祂赦免了我的罪，赐予我新的生命， 祂是信实、公义和慈爱的主。我决定要跟随神，更要感谢祂， 信主後让我更认识了解自己，检视自己的不足。 感谢主时刻与我同在，绝望时保守我，低沉时带领着我。 往後的日子，求神继续带领我，赐我信心，让我更能认识祂， 走祂的道。感谢主！

For my entire life, my family has been involved in the church and I’ve been going to church for as long as I can remember. Yet, attending church wasn’t something that I had taken with much significance as a child. Sure, I learned about Jesus, but church to me was a place to have fun, like when Auntie Carol banned the word “park”, we would continue to ask to go to the slidey-place instead. And although in Sunday school we were taught morals and how to act, as a kid, I still joined in on creating trouble with the other kids, even though I was selfish and didn’t want to get reprimanded.

My views on church and Christ continued to stay superficial until grade 8 and grade 9, when I first attended TC. I don’t really know what it was, and I can’t say this for everyone, but TC impacted me and my faith; seeing and being surrounded by people fired up for Christ, I guess you could say that my own faith had started to become more tangible and considerable. But that was it; it “started” to become.

You see, I had a tough time writing out my testimony because I didn’t have any point in time where I was miraculously changed, or experienced a specific act of God as one might expect from an inspirational testimony of coming into Christianity. And although I like to specifically use TC as a single point where I experienced great change, even though it has significantly impacted my life.

I still continued to grow after the conference, and am still changing today. For example, my involvement in my high school fellowship, where although I knew it existed since grade 9, I only started to attend in grade 11. Even though I went the fellowship once in grade 10, and knew the time and where it was held; I still didn’t go because I would’ve rather hung out with my friends instead.

And that would happen every week until one day in grade 11, where I suddenly decided to go instead of going out with my friends. It was in that moment where I felt a pull or need to attend the fellowship, and I guess in that moment God pushed me to put the gospel and fellowship first. Instead of a big flash where I was suddenly pushed into faith, I think God has worked in my life slowly and continuously. So, I guess that’s why I’m getting baptised; not because baptism is a finish line, but rather another step into faith.

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In the beginning, I always questioned my faith and I never thought I was ready to be baptized. I would look those around me and see that my faith was lacking or wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t have any bible verses memorized and couldn’t give context to any parable. So I agreed with myself that I would only get baptized when I knew my faith was stronger. But here’s where I went wrong, it’s not up to me but God. Baptism is not something you’ll do when your faith is strong enough, but it’s the next step ito have a stronger relationship with God.

Not only did I question my faith, but I always had questions about baptism too. Like what was the purpose and the meaning of baptism? But it was never really was taught in Sunday school, so all I knew was that we should be baptized as a Christian. This gave me reservations about being baptized.

Another factor that was hindering me was the fact that I grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional family, I didn’t fully understand what it meant this concept of love described in the bible as I couldn’t really see it with my parents. I didn’t know what to expect from a supposed “loving” God. I saw the hard effort and “love” my parents have to me, but I never really understood what it meant or how it works in the context of a relationship with God.

This all changed a couple years ago at Today’s Teens Conference. It was at the last workshop with a speaker Karen Holt, she talked about this concept of “3 taps to the shoulder” where God gives them nudges to do things. It was at this workshop that I witnessed it first hand the love of God. I was having an off day that day, I woke up to my parents fighting and I was feeling especially down. For some reason, all I wanted was for someone to pray for me and I asked God to show me a sign that he was there for me. As I was leaving the workshop, Karen stopped me and she said I was told by God that she should pray for me. It was at that point that I knew God was real and that he indeed loved me and was looking out for me.

There was this short story that my friend shared with me. It actually really helped me understand what the love of God is. It just kept resonating with me. The story starts of with the entire world going through an deadly epidemic and everyone is lined outside of this hospital to see if their blood is suitable to find this cure. As the minutes passes by more and more people are being affected by the disease and dying off. In the line to the hospital there’s this dad and his son, who’s no older than 5 years old. When suddenly a nurse runs out and is frantically calling for the dad’s name. So he identifies himself thinking maybe his is the match for the cure. As the nurse approaches she goes explains that there is good news and bad news. The good news is his son’s blood is a match for the cure and could save the world. But as he is an infant, the blood he would have to give would kill himself. At that moment I understood that God who is the father in this scenario, was willing to sacrifice his only so to save the rest of the world.

These experience reinforced my thoughts that God is real, but I still questioned my own faith. If I was a good enough Christian. Given the opportunity to look into other churches, I met some people that really inspired my faith. Thought I still don’t know all of the bible or context. There’s this feeling that says I’m ready, this is it. I got perspective on my own faith.

I have been going to church ever since I can remember, and even before that too. My mom brought me to church before I was born, and between my parents and closest relatives, I pretty much grew up into a Christian family. My mom and dad both teach in the Cantonese congregation, helping me develop a strong sense of faith ever since I was young. My journey with God has been continuous, but there were certain times that I felt him more prominently, through the acts of my family and friends as well.

I remember always asking myself why God took away people that I loved, or anyone at all. The idea that he was a loving God youth not having many relatives around, besides my mom, dad, and brother. The rest of my family lived in Hong Kong, but even so, I never got to meet three of my grandparents. Although I didn’t think it was life-changing at the time, I always questioned why God took them away from me without letting me meet them first. Was God just looking out for me because they were bad people? Or did he not want me to be happy and see them? Both ideas confused me, especially when I had to live through the death of my aunt, one of my closest relatives.

She was kind and loving, followed God, and served in her church. She didn’t seem like someone that God should take away, specifically through cancer, a long, painful and hopeful road to passing away. I know now that it wasn’t all bad, and that God had reasons to give my family that experience. Seeing my parents live through the grief and suffering after her death gave me a better understanding of God’s plans and what he holds for each of us. My parents didn’t get mad at God for taking my aunt away, or yell or scream in frustration at his choice, but accepted her death and remembered her for her bright character and attitude instead. I saw how even though God took her away, he also gave her to us to begin with, and I learned to be thankful for that in place of anger.

Children’s ministry and worship has been a big part of my involvement at church. I’ve always had a passion for kids growing up, and it led me to see God’s power and grace through the character of younger children. These little kids that have a great sense of purity and innocence wanting to learn about God truly did amaze me, knowing that they had no other reason to want to learn except out of curiosity and intrigue. I wanted to spark that curiosity in myself, and in getting baptized (not that this is the only reason), I hope that my faith will be reignited so that it can burn brighter than before.

This is the summer that I have chosen to be baptized because of both the timing and the attitude I have developed in Christ. Before I step into university, I know that my foundation has to be stronger than ever so that it doesn’t crumble. I want to be baptized because I love God, and the way that he has changed my life. He has taught me that it’s okay to have questions, to wonder, and to love. I want to follow him for the rest of my life, growing to become as deserving as I can of his forgiveness and grace.